The resume bloopers

These are taken from real resumes and cover letters and were printed in Fortune Magazine:1. I demand a salary commiserate with my extensive experience.2. I have lurnt Word Perfect 6.0 computor and spreadsheet progroms.3. Received a plague for Salesperson of the Year.4. Reason for leaving last job: maturity leave.5. Wholly responsible for two (2) failed financial institutions.6. Its best for employers that I not work with people.7. Lets meet, so you can ooh and aah over my experience.8. You will want me to be Head Honcho in no time.9. Am a perfectionist and rarely if if ever forget details.10. I was working for my mom until she decided to move.11. Failed bar exam with relatively high grades.12. Marital status: single. Unmarried. Unengaged. Uninvolved. No Commitments.13. I have an excellent track record, although I am not a horse.14. I am loyal to my employer at all costs...
Please feel free to respond to my resume on my office voice mail.15. I have become completely paranoid, trusting completely no one and absolutely nothing.16. My goal is to be a meteorologist. But since I possess no training in meterology, I suppose I should try stock brokerage.17. I procrastinate, especially when the task is unpleasant.18. As indicted, I have over five years of analyzing investments.19. Personal interests: donating blood. Fourteen gallons so far.20. Instrumental in ruining entire operation for a Midwest chain store.21. Note: Please don't miscontrue my 14 jobs as job-hopping. I have never quit a job.22. Marital status: often. Children: various.23. Reason for leaving last job: They insisted that all employees get to work by 8:45 a.m. every morning. Could not work under those conditions.24. The company made me a scapegoat, just like my three previous employers.25. Finished eighth in my class of ten.26. References: None. I've left a path of destruction behind me.