Classified Ad Bloopers!

The following were actually taken from classified ads in newspapers:Free Yorkshire Terrior.8 years-old. Hateful little dog.
   - ---------------------------------Free Puppies:1/2 Cocker Spaniel1/2 Sneaky Neighbor's Dog----------------------------------Free Puppies:Part German ShepherdPart Stupid Dog----------------------------------German Shepherd - 85lbs.Neutered. Speaks German. Free!----------------------------------1 Man, 7 Women hot tub -- $850/offer----------------------------------Amana Washer $100.Owned by clean bachelor who seldom washed.
   - ---------------------------------Snow blower for sale.Only used on snowy days.
   - ---------------------------------2 Wire mesh butchering gloves:1 5-finger, 1 3-finger, pair $15.
   - ---------------------------------Tickle Me Elmo, Still in Box,Comes with its own1988 Mustang, 5L, AutoExcellent Condition, $6,800.
   - ---------------------------------83 Toyota Hunchback -- $2,000----------------------------------Star Wars Job of the Hut -- $15----------------------------------Soft & Genital Bath Tissuesor Facial Tischue - $.89----------------------------------Full-Sized Mattress20 Year WarrantyLike New! Slight urine smell.
   - ---------------------------------FREE 1 Can of Pork & BeansWith Purchase of 3 BR / 2 BTH Home----------------------------------Nordic Track $300Hardly used. Call Chubbie.
   - ---------------------------------Bill's Septic Cleaning"We Haul American Made Products"----------------------------------Shakespeare's Pizza - Free Chopsticks----------------------------------HUMMELS - Largest Selection Ever!"If it's in stock, we have it!"----------------------------------Get a Little John:The Traveling UrinalHolds 2 1/2 Bottles of Beer.
   - ---------------------------------Harrisburg Postal Employees Gun Club----------------------------------Georgia PeachesCalifornia Grown - $.89/lb.
   - ---------------------------------Nice ParachuteNever Opened - Used OnceSlightly Stained----------------------------------American Flag60 Stars - Pole Included - $100----------------------------------Tired of Working for only $9.75 per hour?We offer profit sharing and flexible hours.Starting Pay: $7-9 per hour.
   - ---------------------------------Exercise EquipmentQueen Size Mattress & Box Springs - $175----------------------------------Our Sofa Seats the Whole Mob!And it's made of 100% Italian Leather.
   - ---------------------------------Joining Nudist Colony!Must Sell Washer & Dryer - $300----------------------------------Lawyer Says Client is Not That Guilty.
   - ---------------------------------Alzheimer's Center Preparesfor an Affair to Remember----------------------------------Gas Cloud Clears out Taco Bell----------------------------------Open House!Body Shapers Toning SalonFree Coffee & Donuts----------------------------------Kellogg's Pot Tarts - $1.99/box.
   - ---------------------------------Fully Cooked Boneless Smoked Mann $2.09/lb.
   - ---------------------------------FOR SALE BY OWNERComplete set of Encyclopedia Britannica.45 volumes - Excellent condition.$1,000.00 or best offer.No longer needed.Got married last weekend.Wife knows everything.