I'm Glad I'm A Man

I'm glad I'm a man, you better believe.I don't live off of yogurt, diet coke, or cottage cheese I don't bitch to my girlfriends about the size of my breastsI can get where I want to - north, south, east or westI don't get wasted after only 2 beersand when I do drink I don't end up in tears.I won't spend hours deciding what to wear,I spend 5 minutes max fixing my hairand I don't go around checking my reflectionin everything shiny from every direction.I don't whine in public and make us leave earlyand when you ask why get all bitter and surly.I'm glad I'm a man, I'm so glad I could singI don't have to sit around waiting for that ring.I don't gossip about friends or stab them in the backI don't carry our differences into the sack.I'll never go psycho and threaten to kill you or think every guy out there's trying to steal you.I'm rational, reasonable, and logical tooI know what the time is and I know what to do.And I honestly think its a privilege for me to have these two balls and stand when I peeI live to watch sports and play all sorts of ballIt's more fun than dealing with women after allI won't cry if you figure out it's not going to workI won't remain bitter and call you a jerk.Feel free to use me for immediate pleasureI won't assume it's permanent by any measure.Yes, I'm glad I'm a man, a man you seeI'm glad I'm not capable of child deliveryI don't get all bitchy every 28 daysI'm glad that my gender gets me a much bigger raiseI'm a man by chance and I'm thankful it's trueI'm so glad I'm a man and not a woman like you!