New Viruses

Should you receive a document with any of the following viruses, you must immediately open the window and throw out your computer. I repeat, do not ever again use your computer should it be infected with ANY of these horrible viruses.1. Freudian VirusYour computer becomes obsessed with its own motherboard. Or becomes very jealous of the size of your friend's hard drive.2. Lorena Bobbit VirusTurns your hard disk into a 3.5 inch floppy.3. Tonya Harding VirusTurns your .BAT files into lethal weapons.4. Paul Revere VirusWarns of an impending virus infection: 1 if by LAN, 2 if by C:\5. Hillary Rodham Clinton VirusInstantly turns 1K of disk space into 1 Meg.6. Ollie North VirusPlays a patriotic .WAV while it shreds your files.7. Joey Buttafuaco VirusOnly attacks minor files.8. Ronald Reagan VirusSaves your data, but forgets where it's stored.9. Jane Fonda VirusAttacks your hard drive's FAT.10. Oprah Winfrey VirusYour 200MB hard drive suddenly shrinks to 80MB, and then slowly expands to 300MB.11. AT&T VirusEvery three minutes it tells you what great service you are getting.12. MCI VirusEvery three minutes it reminds you that you're paying too much for the AT&T virus.13. Politically Correct VirusNever calls itself a "virus," but instead refers to itself as an "electronic microorganism." 14. Ross Perot VirusActivates every component in your system, just before the whole darn thing quits.15. Arnold Schwarzenegger VirusTerminates and stays resident. It'll be back.16. Government Economist VirusNothing works, but all your diagnostic software says everything is fine.17. Federal Bureaucrat VirusDivides your hard disk into hundreds of little units, each of which does practically nothing, but all of which claim to be the most important part of your computer.18. Adam and Eve VirusTakes a couple of bytes out of your Apple computer.19. Congressional Virus #1The computer locks up, screen splits erratically with a message appearing on each half blaming the other side for the problem.20. Congressional Virus #2Runs every program on the hard drive simultaneously but doesn't allow the user to accomplish anything.21. Airline VirusYou're in Dallas, but your data is in Singapore.22. PBS VirusYour computer stops every few minutes to ask for money.23. Jimmy Hoffa VirusYour programs can never be found again.24. LAPD VirusIt claims it feels threatened by the other files on your PC and erases them in "self-defense." 25. O.J. VirusIt claims that it did not, could not and would not delete two of your files and vows to find the virus that did it.CONSIDER YOURSELF WARNED!!!!!